God has found us worthy of being His hands and feet, He found us competent of handling this situation with B and continues to show us that He is doing the work not us. After my last post it seemed as if enemy forces were raging in a battle to assure that little guy would not be placed into the arms of the couple that we felt God had picked for him. I went to bed crying and crying with a feeling of guilt for bringing in this tender hearted couple and having there hearts be broken. B was having a bad couple of days, seems that she is hearing more voices than usual and she is listening to them. She was told by the voices that she needes to leave and to pack up because a ride would come on Sunday and get her. She also quit taking her vitamens because they told her that she would get sick if she did and she threw away three garbage bags of food because it was poisened. When talking to a child you get down on there level and when talking about voices to a person who hears them, get down on there level to reason with them. I tolled her that the voices were a bunch of jerks, they had lied to her, tricked her into throwing her good food away, packing up all her stuff and doing a bunch of unnecesary cleaning and that her body needed the vitamens so she would be healthy. These voices were probably laughing at her for listening and that I was angry at them for being so cruel to someone like that, they made her look like a fool with all her stuff packed up and no one comming to get her. She felt a sence of reliefe that we acknowledged the voices and reasoned with her into letting us know when they talk to her so that we can help her to make a decision wether or not to listen to them. She complained of pain through her body, comparing it to surgery and stitches everywhere. We decided that the next day, Monday, Debbie would take her in to the doctor to have that checked out. Debbie and I are not so sure that she will let us know when she is in labor soon enough and so because we are getting closer and closer we are paying extra attention to complaints like these.

That night when I got back from visiting with her I had an upsetting phone call. I got off with my feelings hurt and felt betrayed. I was accused of trying to control B, being to controlling in this situation and all I could think was that I may be doing everything wrong but at least I am not out on vacation doing nothing at all! B needs someone to dive her to the doctor so I make the appointments around my schedule, she needs someone to reason with her when she hears voices, she needs someone to say go take a shower, she needs a lot of care. I may be a little emotionally wrapped up in this, no I am emotionally wrapped up in this and volunteerily and unashamedly at that. The Lord led me to this situation to be His hands, feet, ears and tears. Nobody can tell me that this does not grieve the Lord, He created man perfect and in His own image and this young woman desperatly needs Him. I will contiue to follow the Lords leading in this and pray faithfully that God will be glorified in all of this.

I am skipping around alot but it is hard to get across what all is happening in this, there are quited a few dinamics playing into this now, more people involved. Becky picked Angie and Ryan to adopt "little guy" out of many couples. This was a miracle we wittnessed. After I thought it was a done deal, thinking that this couple wants the baby and B is not able to process many choices right now that we would propose the couple to her and that worse thing that happened if she said no we would show her another choice but thinking all along that B would be comfortable with this couple more than another because she has met them and seen them with children and I trust them and she trust me. I thought it would go great that way but it seemed my reasoning made others feel uncomfortable and that is when I receved the phone call. The plan was to be she would have lots of choices, I figured they may as well blind fold her, spin her in a circle and have her pin the tail on the family who would pick the baby knowing that in her state of mind right now there would not be much of a thought process behind her decision. Joe and I prayed and prayed that the Lord would honor my sister in law who remained pure till marriage and bless her with this child. When Tuesday morning rolled around B had her meeting with the adoption worker and was presented with five albums of families and an e-mail from Ryan and Angie with a picture. She went through all of the albums page by page and then the picture of Ryan and Angie and had their letter read to her and chose them!

I did not pray so hard that night although I did spend the day praising the Lord it was as if things would just go smooth from here on out but the next night I received a phone call from Becky saying that she wanted to leave, they were trying to steal her baby and she needed to get to Oregon where they would let her have a chance to raise the baby, she thinks. She has a plan to hitchike all the way back, a four hour drive, and go to the homeless shelter. I encouraged her to check in with the CPS here and find out what their plan was and to talk to her doctor about his concerns so that she would know in her heart that what she is being told by the adoption worker is not a trick to just get the baby. This seemed to buy sometime in keeping her around, she is putting herself and baby at such a risk if she was to take off like she wanted to. Tomorow I will take her to the doctor and hopefully he will be able to get through to her.

For just a minute though lets all put ourselves in B's place, you are a miserable nine months pregnant, people are planning on taking your baby from you, you are desperate are you not? I would take off walking and try and keep my baby too. This is a desperate situation, she is 35weeks and 5 days tomorrow and we need to keep her and the baby safe. Lets all pray that she will feel good about this decision, as good as she could feel. My heart breaks for her, I can not imagine what it would be liked to be trapped inside your own body, prisoner to voices that lied to you unable to descern what is real and not. No we are not able to relate but we can show compassion by loving her through this, being there for her and the baby, keeping them safe. I imagine that if she was able to understand for just one moment why everything is happening the way it is she would thank us all for the way she is being watched after and keeping her from harming the baby that she loves.

We are once again on our knees, right where we always should be but forget all to soon. The clock is ticking and I can tell you how relieved I will be to hold this little guy in my arms when he is safe. I promise you that I am going to cry and rejoice for this baby, he will be celebrated!