It is really easy for me to trust GOD when things go the way I think they should go, it is another story when things go a different way. It is hard to not have expectations, to not let your mind wander and not spend time imagining what you think will happen. It is easy to look at Sarah in the Bible and say to ourselves " Wow, look at her. She really jumped the gun to try and get a baby and by doing so she really messed things up." Yet we ourselves jump the gun every day and mess things up. We spend time learning and re-learning the same lessons over and over forgetting all to soon to be patient and wait upon the Lord. When we find ourselves in a nose dive spinning out of control we realize that once again we jumped the gun and that it is going to hurt when we hit.



B has met with a woman from the state and has been informed that the baby will be taken away at birth and that the state will require her to do things that more than likely she will not be able to do thus the baby will end up being adopted. If the baby gets adopted by a state foster home there will not be any visits, pictures or letters. She will not even know where the baby is or how the baby is. I so wanted her to choose adoption but she has chosen to let the baby go to foster care in a desperate last attempt to try and get her act together to parent. She met with a lawyer, who was hired by the prospective adoptive parents, who lied to her about services that do not exist thus giving her hope that she would be able to keep her baby. This lawyer told me that we can not go around kidnapping peoples babies because I was advocating so strongly for the adoption. Kidnapping peoples babies??? Isn't that what the state is about to legally do? They are going to come into the hospital after she gives birth and take the baby against her will. They will place the baby with a family who B does not have any input in choosing and immediately try and terminate her rights so that someone can adopt the baby. Is this not kidnapping. I was trying to encourage and yes in a desperate way trying to persuade her to choose adoption because she could choose a family, she could see the baby, have pictures and updates of the baby and know that the baby will always be apart of her life and she apart of his. This does not sound like kidnapping to me. This lawyer did a big dis-service to B and this baby.



Yesterday I was so angry after hearing about the decision to drop the adoptive parents out of the picture and to just plan on the baby going to foster care. I was upset at B and upset at myself for ever getting involved. I wrestled with anger and hatred and grief but as I drifted off to sleep I was thinking of a way to love my enemy. I know that GOD is being gracious and that He was allowing me to rest, truly rest without any anger or resentment. I chose to love my enemy and I no longer see her as an enemy but my heart bleeds with compassion as I now have to sit back and watch as her world is crashing down. I tried so hard to prevent her from having to feel like this and it hurts to see all of this play out. I still even today tried to reason with her that adoption would allow her more choices and that it was not to late but she is so set on this. Now all we can do is just wait, wait and see.